Fast cars and Freedom

fast cars and FREEDOM fo sho!

2009-05-12T13:25:00.001-07:00

i am officially a licensed driver.
nothing more to say.
top that!

fast cars and freedom?? for REAL??

2009-05-04T16:56:00.000-07:00

wensday is my drivers test so i can actualy finally get my drivers licence and make my life a whole lot easier for my parents and my boss... so im excited. We practiced parallel parking and backing into a oarking space in Dean( my truck) Today. I did pretty well i think.
but i guess im just worried that i'll get all nervous and choke then BOMB everything! which is never cool.... and always a possibility... i do it alot with bowling as my coach so gently points out. but idk maybe cause i want it so bad i wont like wig out. or maybe it'll just make me wig out even more! ACH! i dont know.

pray. for. me.

portfolio again

2009-04-03T17:13:00.000-07:00

so typing that last one kinda excited me so im gonna type a few more of my shorter ones. the few poems i actually wrote.. lolz. :D

Inspiration

The beat of the drums moves my heart
as the mans words lift my spirits
excitement fills my veins
this language i know nothing of
these words that have no meaning to me
Inspiration knows no language
No boundries
my brain gears shift as my own thougt are pushed onto paper
the world falls back
i am lost in the essence
the essence of creativity
of emotion
of expression
the essence of inspiration

this next one is my fav poem ive written so far :D

BLIND

she sits, she stares and sees nothing
sound
sound is what saves her
the voices stream into her mind
the only connection
the words pain pictures
the beauty of her disability
she may not see their face
but through their words she sees their soul
the beauty of her disability
a world built of others can never be lonely
love in every stroke
compassion in every color
the beauty of her disability
is creation her girst rather than darkness her curse
Earth's cruel joke a gift from God,
embraced and challenged
her disability is hers to rule
it is no longer the beauty of her disability
but the beauty of her

i entered the 2 above poems ^^ into a contest so ill post the results later if and when i get them...
and one more just for the heck of it.....
but which one....
oh this one is good.

NSO(yes it wont make sense to anyone but me and one other person but that is indeed the title)

pain sits on my heart
weighing me down
the blood pumping though veins carries nothing but more misery
you wounds bring me to my knees
i cry out, i pray for your healing
your pains are these pains that condemn me to this hell
but still i look down, into this hell of hells
this flaming inferno raging beneath my own.
and i see you face,
tear stained and crushed with emotions
your eyes stab through my heart
your tears burn like acid on my skin
this ruin you have been brought to
is of my own accord
my wounds are left bleeding, cleansing myself of this pain
it is all i can do now
no help from me cans save you from this
out of this hole you must climb yourself
but i will be there standing
hand held out
waiting to pull you back up on your feet
and if you should accept my offer
i will, with all that is in my being, help you to heal

lolz. i just realized i sound like yoda for like half of that.
kk well thats it for now. if you actualy read my blog here is a list of other ones you pick the next one you want me to post!
Desination
Catalyst
the little boat that sunk
me and frozen liquids do not get along
the end
Reality's line
Loves Fairytale
then here a few that i havent turned in for my portfolio but i think thier good/interesting.
21 things to do before im 21 (but actualy more like 30 somthing... lolz)
Untitled (lol i know thats not much to go on... but i havent thought of a title for it yet...)

My Portfolio

2009-04-03T17:03:00.000-07:00

okay so i wrote this yall... i'll gradually post more and more of my portfolio. but not all at once. i have to keep you enticed. :) i was actualy pretty proud of my metephores in this one. :D

this is called love letter from the broken

the love i hold for you is almost equivalent to the light you can find in a black hole.
I need you like a need a bullet to the heart. w
hen i think of you my emotions digress and objects are thrown. i have practiced my aim and can hit a bulls eye so long as your face is taped to it.
your insational ability to turn the best of people into pissy crabs still ceases to amaze me. i am in awe of how you can continue on in you idiotic ways and still seem to have every girl you want under your spell.
But i wish you no luck in your future and hope that every relationship you find yourself in wnds in utter ruin. For i know that even without my persistant disire of this result it will surely end this way. You yourself can do nothing to cherish the love given to you. you mess around and lose it.
so in the end all you will be left with is the type of love a hopelessly bulimic person feels for a nicely decorated pice of cake, once terribly disired and wanted now gaged on adn thrown up and away.
Left with the love of i bullet meeting the flesh of the heart. So despret to be with the objest you will never truely know. You will tear it apart like a bullet ripping through flesh, the love you disere so badly will be pumping away from you like blood rushing from open veins.
An unwanted love for the hopelessly needy.
That is your story and that it shall always be.

Guitars ( /wowza i havent been on here in 4ever!)

2009-04-03T16:30:00.000-07:00

i deff have not been on here in FOR_EVA! idk what my problem is i guess im just not good at it. im the same way with face book.... lolz. any whoszit. whats up with me. well i gots myself a bf now, but who doesnt these days. lol. im not really in a bf writing about mood...(sorry nick) i think whats overwhelming my mind is music kinda. I'm in creative writing class this semester at school and its deff brought out alot more in me than i thought it could i've written several things that ill post as they come up and later ill post some of the ones i have. but today, well actualy lets start here. theres this kid, he actualy sitts behing me in class, who writes songs for the class, (rather than short stories and long unrhyming poems like me... lol) and Marshall our teacher was like OMG! (she a mondo hippie buy the way) YOU HAVE TO PLAY FOR US! cause he turned in his songs for his portfolio. and so he sang some stuff he wrote, sang a cover or two and i was just like DANG BOY! i want to play guitar so bad! and i've always wanted to so this isnt some random thing like usual with me. but random instances like this remind me how much i really want to. so i spent a good 15 minutes being crabby cause i didnt know how to play or have enough money to get a guitar and teach myself. then in third hour (which is my band class) this kid whips out his guitar and starts jammin
im like WHAT THE EFF!??
so im thinkin, ah heck! what not lets try and see if you can actuly do this thing.
so im gonna try and find me a guitar and a teacher and see if i can learn before i'm twenty one! (more creative writing insiders....) i'll type it... maybe...

no longer a concert virgin.

2008-08-22T13:07:00.000-07:00

so i went to my first concert

so.. switchfoot is like love now. i think the best concert ever would be Runkidrun, Stellar Kart, and Switchfood. I'd pee myself with excitement and probibly kill anyone for the tickets. (sorry... but its true. lol) But i had a blast, really glad my first concert was a christian one. I don't really think to many secular bands are that exciting. the only ones id go to for concerts are country, i dont think they would be as stimulating(lol) as this was. It was an amazing good time. I hope i get to go to more.... with some bands that i know... not ones that my mom says hey meg your going. well yeah there were lots of peeps i knew there, that was cool too. I'm glad everything just went solidly well. well thats my two cents.

peace

jlyasdi

The reasons why.

2008-08-15T09:09:00.000-07:00

So WOW! sunday. We did the reasons why we WORHSIP. Aron preached, always cool. And we had an extended worship. So wow, the youth group took off. not to give us all the credit, but i really couldn't see anyone else but us. We just got really into it. It was amazing to part of the youth group at that time, just praising the Lord our Father with that much passion. I could feel it flowing through us, we feed of each others excitment so much. Our group has so much love and excitment for our Lord, we just don't always know how to show it. Well we found a way. It was amazing to get so many comments after services saying how many people we almost or did bring to tears, and to hear how amazed the were with us. But to clarify, It wasn't us, it was the holy spirit within us moving us. And we moved as one (go jayson french! :) ) It was amazing to be part of that, and i think now that we have opened up we will be more ourselves when we worship. No offence church, but sometimes we don't feel welcome. But we now know we are and boy are we excited! I pray for more oppertunities to express ourselfs and to touch more people. Some times it just takes one person to change the face of anyone or anything.

Florida

2008-08-15T08:37:00.000-07:00

So i went to Florida with my best friend Kory! I spent a week away from mine, to be with hers. But it was a BLAST! We hit up Islands of Adventure, Universal Studios, Disney's Magic Kingdom, and Wet n' Wild water park. So any way. Know me, I have this TERRIBLE fear if heights, like you don't even understand. So naturally I don't like rides that deiced to be cool and have little drops and such things. So we are at Islands of Adventure.... I've already evaded a couple rides for they're drops. (except the Spiderman ride, but that was a 3-d non-real drop, i still closed my eyes.) Me and little Emma(like 7-8 i think she was, yeah that's how cool i am.) have become best friends, because all we do is sit and wait for people to be done riding. We get to the Jurassic park, area of the park. So there is this ride, with this hill, and I said no. Then the first group went on, and managed to convince me(and Emma) that i should go on. So i caved, besides Kory and Cameron would be sitting on either side of me. So its Uncle Curt, Emma, Aunt Dee in the front row, then behind them is Kory, me, Cameron. I'm shaking uncontrollably and Emma is already in the middle of a nervous breakdown (yeah we're fun people to ride with) So Emma's crying before the ride starts, about 2 minutes in (after the first dinosaur pops out at you) i join her. Then (yeah this is my favorite part! ha- sarcasm) We see the Big T-Rex and the start of the hill is like a car in front of us, and the ride stops! So now I'm freaking out as bad as Emma is. Uncle Curt turns to see whats up with our row and Kory has her arm wrapped around me and I'm shaking and tears a pouring down my face. He kinda gives me a "WOW" look, not a wow like your lame and pathetic look, but like a wow this is bad kinda look. Then one of the kids on the other side of Aunt Dee asks "is this supposed to happen?" I know its not, but having Emma right there buried into his wife, Uncle Curt answers, "Oh yeah." Needless to say, the ride restarted, I'm even more scared then before, cause i know its coming. So I'm buried into Kory like Emma is into Aunt Dee. But many a props were given to me for completing it. And i went on to ride many more rides who decided to be cool. I didn't loose my fear, ha are you kidding me! but i learned to push it aside if the right people are around. So went on a whole bunch of crazy rides. I seemed to be the only person who like the Disney Park, it was rainy, no where to sit, no meal deals like universal. But nothing could ever kill Disney for me. So i seemed to be the only one who thoroughly enjoyed it, but hey i grew up disney, kory crew up cartoons and comics(her dad) but i got my picture with sleeping beauty, Kory with Belle, and Emma with Cinderlla.

The only day we had sun, was the day we decieded to relax and stay home. So we spent the whole day in the club house pool. And boy did i have tan lines! but it was fun, we played keep away, first me against the boys, actuly it was more like dodge ball. Then the adults came in and it was oldies against youngins in a rather intense game of keep away, and of corse, I some how managed to get stuck blocking the tallest/biggest one, unlce curt. But i got him a couple times.

I'm so glad i went. It was nice to feel apart of they're family and to act like a kid again. well thats all for this blog. PEACE!

JLYASDI

Frisbee Fears.

2008-07-03T16:11:00.000-07:00

So my dog Kiri. Has always been afraid of the frisbee. She's a big scaredie cat. Part of it is because she was abused and abandoned when she was a puppy, but yeah she's afraid of alot of things, (my dads truck, water, mice, the end of the driveway, treats, ect.) Today was a monumental day for my dog. Kiri Gewndolyn Kania has over come her phobia of fly fabiric frisbees!!!!!!!!! It was exciting. I'm not quite sure how i did it. But me and my friend Lindsey were playing frisbee cause we were bored crazy, and then i just started messing around with my puppy and i threw the thing and she went after it. Me and Lindsey stopped and looked at each other in amazement! "Did she just-!" and then we proceeded to play till kiri plopped down with tiredness, and we joined! I'm so excited now! I have a game i can play with my baby!

MOVE

2008-07-03T15:25:00.000-07:00

C.I.Y, has now become MOVE.

I had a freaking blast! Something powerful happens when you worship the Lord with more than a thousand of you peers. The theme this year was talking about moving for God and what he is moving us to do. I learned alot of things about how God wants us to act and what he's calling us all to do. I'm horrible at explaining it, I feel like i'm not doing it justice because it was so much more amazing when your there. We had a lesson on boldness one night, being bold for the Lord and not holding back your faith. At the end the speaker said when the worship leader came out not to sing, just listen to the music and pray to God about being bold, and if you feel your need to change and be bold for Christ, stand. Well, while he was saying this i already felt the pull of the holy spirit to stand, I knew me being bold and not holding back was what God wanted from me all along and upon hearing my readiness was rejoicing and "sitting on the edge of his chair with excitement". So my prayer was this, "I understand Lord, give me strength! AMEN!" and i was standing singing my heart out. It was an amazing moment. I've also come to the realization that the Lord has plans to use me, and from what i can tell/hope (but who doesn't) in a big way. I'm not sure what He wants me to do but i know, i can feel, He has a major plan for me! and i'm nothing but excited, I want to serve the Lord that made me who i am! and another cool thing happened that moment. It was another call to stand thing, at the end of the last session, a gentelman asked us to stand if we had made verious decisions, When he asked anyone who felt God was using them and that they wanted to serve him, i felt another pull to stand (which was the Holy spirit telling me i was to be used.) I stood. Then the man instructed those around anyone who was standing up to put a hand on them and pray with him. Well, Jason Smith grabbed my waist and held on like a little child, in one of the most memorible hugs i've ever had, then about fifty other hands were felt on my arms and my back and it was funny watching my friend Kory struggle trying to touch both me and our other friend Brooke, who had also stood up.

It was an amazing feeling to have all the support and care all around me.

My favorite part of CIY is friday night when Jayson French yells at us. This year Jayson brought to our attention the over ratedness of the cross. Don't take offense he makes a strong point. If Christ had never risen from the dead after dieing on the cross his death there would of been nothing more than a common criminals, and completely usless to us. That the fact that he is still alive and defeated death is what saves us! now, yeah thats nothing compared to how he said it, it was amazing and by far a big realization. Another cool thing that happened that week. We did this thing called WEAVE, its where the students are broken into groups and each group sings, prays, or reads scripture and thinks on questions given to us. Its an amazing sight but hard to explain in typing, but anyway, after each group had done everything the screen said "NOW MOVE" and we were saposed to do what ever the holy spirit was moving us to do. The first night i was moved to apologize to my exboyfriend who i was having issues with, The last night though, was by far the most amazing. I was having trouble concentraing on God during Worship because i was focusing on my relationships and how i felt about some of the people in my youth group, and then a church walked up front by the stage and soon other followed, usualy I love worshiping with people and being crowed together like that, but for some reason i was really uncomfortable, which bothered me a little. It was not how i usualy was. So when the "now move" came i prayed and asked for a clear mind and to have it be just me and God. It didn't work, so i decided to walk and sit in an empty area in the bleachers and close my eyes and sing, not looking to see what my fellow teens were doing. I prayed again, and told God that i just wanted it to be me and him but if He wanted to send someone it didn't matter. I was struggling to not look to see if He was sending anyone from my group but i kept my eyes closed or locked on the screen. Then i felt an arm around my sholders and i didn't look to see who it was but i saw the hand and thought it might of be Zacharia, then i saw a girl i didn't know come and she kneeled down behind me and prayed for me then she moved on to help others, but the arm around my sholders stayed with me for the next two songs, when i decided i was focused and ready to rejoin my group, i turned to thank the arm and saw that it was a complete stranger, thats what i love about CIY teens that aren't afraid to reach out to each other. I thanked him, and then thanked God. I thought it was cool the God sent two strangers to comfort me instead of people from my 0wn group, expecaially sense only moments before i didnt want to be anywhere near people i didnt know. Kory likes to say C.I.Y. is a slap in the face and thats what makes it so amazing. I disagree, i wasn't slapped this week, i was gentely lead to find myself and who God wants me to be. by far more amazing.

Kaylee!

2008-06-29T17:39:00.001-07:00

So i went to my friend Kaylee's dance recital a week or so ago. It was uber exciting! I'm really glad i went, and not just for the males (thats a whole other blog) But it made me look back to my dancing days, i'm really glad Kaylee has something she enjoys so much and is SO good at. I'm so glad i could be a part of that. She was amazing, you could tell she loved it so much more than everyone else, the way she danced and the emotion she put in it was so noticible compared to the others she was dancing with, it was BEAUTIFUL! I wish her much sucess and look forward going to the next one, sorry i dont have much to say about it! i'm short on time and i currently cant blogg at home. keep your eyes open for some sneek in bloggs here and there the next one up is C.I.Y. !

chris chris

2008-05-22T19:40:00.000-07:00

Chris Wilson is my boss. and i love it! If he was a teenager he'd so be my best friend. I don't understand why all the employees my age hate him so much. Well i dont think tyler hates him... i think we both have the same amount of respect for him. but yeah I love Chris, hes such a dork and it makes my day. He's so fun to work with. My mom says its cause we are so alike, I guess i can see that. But its so fun, i think im the only employee who has enough guts and respect from Chris to actuly arguee with him, now of corse they are always lite hearted joking arguements, but still not just anyone can joke around with him. Its so fun. we seriously just make fun of each other all day... I'll do something for him and he'll e like good job i was waiting for you to completly fail and i'll be like shut up chris your a loser go home... and we just continue on working. its so great! its overwhelmingly great! I seriously dont think i could work for anyone else there but Chris, because if i can't mess with my boss i'll go pshyco... and everyone else is either to sarcasticaly challenged or wont tollerate it from they're empolyees. I show Chris my appreication of him at the end of every year by giving him a gift that always consists of twizlers and mountain dew (his favs) and some other hobby related things i digg up (i ask his sister). and like i dont know i just love it and i seriously don't understand how people can hate him, he is so much fun! well thats whats on my mind right now so yeah. thanks for your time. and CHRIS WILSON is deff a guy you should meet.

sexy head

2008-05-21T19:07:00.000-07:00

so i got a new hair cut/do

it makes me feel powerful. :) Its had an overwhelmingly better acceptance than my last dye job. so that makes me feel really happy. and the guys are deffinitally noticing me more... or my hair has justed opened me up more to them either way. i thank the hair. and I'm really excited. Its comfy and style free. i shower blow dry and sleep then im good to go. Eric says i shouldnt rely much on my physical apperiance. and i agree but i also disagree. My apperance is how i express my self.. or at least part of it. and the why i look to myself greatly influinces my outlook on life. and i think its like that for everyone. I'm not saying if i look like crap i feel like it too, but everyone has a better time when they think they look attractive. and i like looking attractive, and i really do feel the part now too, its like i've been let into this whole new world of happyness. lol. not that im letting it go to my head cause that would be concidedness and deffinitaly uncool. but i think i pull off the dark red well and everyone else seems to agree. its nice when people agree with me. :) I'm excited for me new look. and my parcially new and more confident me.

JLYASDI

Why so serious....??

2008-05-04T18:48:00.000-07:00

I am going to see it and if you try to stop me you WILL die. Im so stoked!

"You crossed the line first, sir. You hammered them. And in they're despiration they turned to a man they didn't fully understand. Some men aren't looking for anything logical. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned, or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn."
"You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself
become the villain."

Christian Bale is love and R.I.P. Heath Ledger. I love batman!!!! so much you don't even understand. If it wasn't for God i'd prolly worship batman. Im so excited only 75 more days!!!!!! only four days after what would of been my one month.... sick. oh well batman is better than any man will ever be!

The puzzel that is my mind...

2008-05-02T16:53:00.001-07:00

So I'm at my friend Tink's house right now and they are all in the living room watching Zoe 101 and yeah not my stuff... so i'd figure i'd let you into my head for a little bitt to keep you and myself entertained.

MY THOUGHTS ON LIFE>>

Your name always sounds better when and attractive person says it.

Bosses are always better when they are Hyper.

Shoes are a confinement, though and attractive one.

Writing is the socially exceptiable form of sckitzophrenia (Sp?)

I dont have dreams i have ambitions

Beatles music makes me feel happy

NASCAR isnt a sport... its a way of life

Summer is best spent outside

water is the only liquid i dont mind having on the outside of me.

i stare out windows and watch life... which no one else seems to see but me....

blue is the best color.

i couldnt have bette friends then kory and heather

bowling makes me feel like i can do something no one else can

Dirt is the best make up.

Hands are more beautiful when they are rough

nicknames are better than real names

and friends are the best thing a girl could ask for....

so im going to go chill with them....

look for more of the puzzle that is my mind....

TTYL JLYASDI

Deneweths

2008-04-28T17:25:00.000-07:00

Deneweths Garden center is my currret place of occupation. and thank the Lord for it! I couldnt love it more, and it seriously racks my mind. I have dreams about that place, how many employees have dreams about the places they hold jobs at. I love the people they seriously make my day every day I'm there. Expecially Mr. Kenny. That man is one of my heros! and theres always the cute teenage guys wondering around there too. lol. and one by one they are starting to notice me. I have overcome my biggest feat of Deneweth male employees by holding conversations with the ever attractive Jason Deneweth who just recently has begun to speak to me thanks to my father's intervention. He works the plant line with Jay's mother.... I think i held one of my bigger conversations with him today to. and belive it or not he was the one to say the first words. I about fell over in shock. I'm lucky i could form words. But yeah today at work was the one day a year i have where my boss looks and me and gives me the "why did i ever ask you back for another year" look. but then i come in the next day and he's like "oh yeah... thats why."
But yeah i was so tired today... i forgot almost everything he told me... but he caught on to my lack of intellegence today and proceeded to repeat things for me without my asking and gave me realitivly easier jobs.... which only means my butt is going to fall off with all the work i have to do tomorrow... Well my BONES is on... which means i get to look at David Borianaz so... PEACE OUT! J.L.Y.A.S.D.I!!!!!

Blog virgin.

2008-04-28T17:02:00.000-07:00

So... this is my first time really writing a blog. not gonna lie im kinda stoked! Mrs. Erica and Mr. Aron inspired me! lol. But it will give me something to do when i'm bored out of my mind! hope I can find more people on here that i actuly know so its not like im just blogging to the Kirks....... well im in the middle of like ten things right now. i'll come back later and blog! yay!